Posted in Food

How to cook when you can’t cook

The sixth part of the 2014 blogger challenge is to write a post about food.. The trouble is, I can’t cook. I recently had to turn to Facebook to plead for help when making my first tuna and cheese toastie. I’m not even kidding.. However, as I’m sure that I can’t be the only culinary-challenged blogger taking part, and I don’t want to fail the challenge, I’ve finally written my first ‘cookery’ post…

 

Presenting my little recipe list for cooks who can’t cook:

1. Beans on toast

  • Grate cheese on to a conveniently placed piece of kitchen towel (less washing up)
  • Empty beans into microwavable bowl, jug, pot etc
  • Microwave for 2 mins, set aside
  • Cook toast however you like toast to be cooked
  • When toast is cooked put on to a plate and add butter to toast
  • The tricky bit – AT THE SAME TIME put the beans back in the microwave for 30 secs
  • Add newly-warmed beans on top of toast
  • Add grated cheese on top of beans
  • If you prefer your grated cheese warm, then you are weird and shouldn’t eat cheese.

2. Chinese Sandwich

  • Purchase ‘Sweet and sour’ or ‘Oriental spare rib’ flavour pot noodle, and a bag of prawn crackers.
  • Come home
  • Boil kettle
  • Add hot water – DO NOT add water to the fill line, this is always too much water and makes yucky noodles, add to about half way instead, they really should update the instructions.
  • Leave to ..cook… for two minutes
  • Stir noodles, leave for how ever long the packet says, I can’t remember this bit
  • Once noodles have cooked, drain the excess liquid by holding a fork against the rim of the pot and gently, GENTLY, tipping the pot to the side <— This bit is tricky but VERY IMPORTANT to prevent soggy crackers
  • To look a bit posh put the noodles into a bowl, then add the sauce sachet and stir
  • Sit down with bowl of noodles, fork and bag of prawn crackers
  • Hold one prawn cracker, add a forkful of noodles into cracker, add another cracker on top – like a sandwich
  • Eat quickly before sandwich disintegrates
    Ps: This is not a meal to enjoy with company, there is no sexy way to eat a chinese sandwich

3. Indian Sandwich

  • As above, but use ‘bombay bad boy’ or that weird curry flavour pot noodle and mango chutney flavoured prawn crackers (yes these exist, they are made by walkers sensations and are soooo good!)

4. British ‘high tea’ sandwich

  • As above, but with chocolate Philadelphia and digestive biscuits – also known as easy cheesecake

5. Chocolate Praline Delight

  • Jar of nutella and a spoon – sorted.

So there you have it, five square meals for each week day! After all that cooking effort you deserve a rest at the weekend, so either get a takeaway or go to a proper adults house for sunday lunch!

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Author:

Digital Copywriter. Background in visual communications, brand management, visual merchandising and retail management.

13 thoughts on “How to cook when you can’t cook

  1. Oh Mungy, you do make me laugh. I need to cook for you one day. I’ll do a three course meal and you can sit next to Patch.

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  2. Love it! My version of food? Toast… Shreddies… Krispies… And if I’m really feeling adventurous maybe a portion of dolmio microwave pasta. Oh, and a yoghurt or ice-cream for pudding. Good job my dad takes me to the pub or brings me chips at least once a week!!

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    1. I think meal quality was one of the main reasons I moved back home, so mum could make me dinner again ^_^ my diet was similar to yours, I’ve certainly had that pasta!

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      1. Hehe! I left home on day of my 16th birthday and haven’t looked back! My main problem is my disability (acquired since leaving home) means I can’t cook unsupervised & don’t have anyone to help, as my social services haven’t provided the help they’re meant to. Can’t eat normal ready-meals cos of allergies and can’t make my own & just heat up as needed like used to, so stuck with cereals & toast. Gggrrrr… I hate bureaucracy!!!
        Just discovered your blog with this post but will be reading again in future!
        Donna x

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      2. Oh that makes me so angry, you deserve some help! Keep fighting for it!
        I’m so glad you like the blog ^_^ xxx

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